Dear Spammers,

I'm getting pretty fed up with all the spam emails I've been getting lately. Obviously my email address got on some list somewhere because the Internet Gods have bestowed upon me the gift of "enlarge your penis".

But on the flip side, I have gotten some pretty humorous emails lately. The "Hi my name is X, I want to share my wealth" variety of emails. But I'm pretty sure those emails aren't supposed to be humorous exactly, I think it's a problem somewhere along the lines of "I only just yesterday learned to speak English".

But really, if you're going to try to scam me into giving you money, can you please proof read your emails first? Preferably by a native English speaker? Because I seriously have no clue what you are trying to say...

Example:
"I am a very good woman with all cost I don't know much and care about people, since when I had an experience of my difficulty to sleep and give rest"

Um... what? What is "give rest"? You couldn't sleep anymore? You couldn't put other people to sleep? You couldn't give anybody a spoon rest?

I need a spam mail decoder. Maybe they put those in cereal boxes nowadays.

Cheers,
Red

PS. Don't worry I'm not opening any attachments or following any links in any of these spam emails I'm getting, I know about computer viruses. I'm only sending out my address and social security number, I'm sure it'll work out.