Find Me a (Rental) Home

AV is currently driving an hour to work each way. We're trying to remedy this particular "problem" by moving closer.

Normally in this situation we'd just grab a rental and deal with it. But apparently, by having four cats we've branded ourselves as "TERRIBLE RENTERS" so we can't rent an apartment. That leaves rental houses. Honestly, I was never a real fan of apartment living so that's not a problem. The problem is the fact that the rental houses that are available in the area are... how do I say... pieces of sh*t.

Where we are looking to move is a summer vacation destination, or so I've been told, so many of the houses are only on short term (and ridiculously expensive) leases. So those are out. Next we have the slew of houses marked "ABSOLUTELY NO PETS". If you tried, you could probably sneak in an animal, provided it was small and quiet. We, however, house a four part vocal ensemble that doubles as a stampede. So those houses are out.

Once those houses were all weeded out we were left with some real winners. One example is the house that has a garage where "all you have to do is get a new door". Excuse me? I have to get a new door? I don't think so. Besides, even if I did get a new door, it wouldn't keep somebody from crawling in through the gaping hole in the front corner.

How about renting the first floor of a two story house? But only the first floor. O..kay? When I asked about it the realtor said that the owner didn't want to clean the second floor so they weren't going to include that part. I stopped really listening at this point because my eyes glazed over and my mind was filled with thoughts of rodent droppings, black mold, and sawdust. No, I don't know why there might be sawdust up there, but it featured prominently in my horrific visions.

The next house just needed to be painted and have the carpet cleaned. "Oh wait... No I guess he's done painting." Ah yes, what a vote of confidence.

Or finally, the house that stank. Like gas. When I pointed this out to the realtor she proceeded to SWITCH THE STOVE ON!! OMGWTFBBQ!!!! There must be a God in Heaven because I still can't believe I didn't explode into flame with the rest of the kitchen! "Oh looks like one of the pilot lights are out. I guess I'll have to tell him next time I talk to him." Looks like?? Next time?? Whatever happened to opening a window and calling the gas company immediately??

After that particular near-death experience I determined that rental houses in the area were probably not the way to go...

Cheers,
Red