Red's First Children's Book

There Are No Cookies in My House: A Ghost Story, or Cat Pee Under the SinkBased on a true story

Little Red stretched in her bed in her little blue house on the top of the hill. The sun was shining and the birds were singing. It was a lovely morning, made even more lovely by the memories spinning around in Little Red's head. She had just gotten back from a weekend trip to The Big City. She had a wonderful time there; shopping at fancy stores, dressing up in lovely clothes, and eating at all her favorite restaurants. But of course, every trip had an end, and although Little Red wasn't quite ready to come home, she knew her cats would need her.

Little Red patted the cats' heads as they sprawled around her on the bed. Today, she thought, I am going to make cookies to celebrate being back home! She popped into the kitchen, and to her dismay remembered that the butter was all but frozen solid. Little Red knew her cookies wouldn't be very delicious if she tried to make them with frozen butter, so, with a sigh, she placed the hard sticks of butter on the counter and sat down to read a book.

After lunch, Little Red prepared the kitchen for her cookie making. She was excited, she hadn't made cookies in what seemed like forever. She loved making cookies almost as much as she loved eating cookies. Little Red bent down near the sink and smelled a terrible smell. She froze. No, she must have been mistaken! That terrible smell couldn't be THE terrible smell! In horror, she bent down again. NO! It was! It was THE terrible smell! The terrible smell of cat pee!

In a frenzy, Little Red threw open the cabinet doors below the sink and stuck her head inside the dark cavern below. NO NO NO!! The smell was stronger here! Hastily, Little Red emptied the cabinet below the sink, the crock-pot, coffee maker, popcorn popper, and the brown paper bags were strewn across the kitchen floor. Little Red stared at them in horror and brought them, one by one, to her nose.

NO! NO! NO! NO! Tears sprang to Little Red's eyes, she didn't know if it was anger, sadness, or just the burning aroma wafting from the cabinet below the sink. The paper bags and a cardboard box were all but mush, warped and damp.

Little Red flew to the laundry room and returned with arm fulls of cleaning products. She filled both of her kitchen sinks and a bucket. Lysol, bleach, and dish soap were squirted with abandon. After scrubbing out the cabinet under the sink, everything else was thrown into bleachy water. Little Red scrubbed and fretted, yelling obscenities; the cats hid in the living room.

Panting, Little Red tossed the last bleach soaked bottle cap onto a towel on the counter to dry. She did not know what else might be coated in a sticky layer of cat pee. The anxiety gripped her tightly and her eyes went wild. Without pause she began tossing other things into the cleaning solutions. She began spraying bleach and Lysol upon everything in her path. She began to cackle crazily as the fumes mixed and sent her head spinning, yet she did not stop. "I must clean the pee! It could be anywhere!" Little Red shouted insanely.She continued through the house, overturning furniture and dumping cleaning products anywhere she could reach.

The next morning, the police found her body. She lie flat on the kitchen floor, her eyes rolled back in her head, and white froth pooled in her mouth. Dead as a doornail. The cats were nowhere to be seen, but a window had been broken and bits of short hair clung to the shattered glass.

To this day, people say they can hear a voice carried on the wind from the top of the hill. "Noooooo," it seems to call, "there's peeeeee everywhere".

The End.