Chipmunk Invasion

I have a confession to make. I spent a good five minutes* of my day today yelling at a chipmunk. We're working really hard on our house and I know chipmunks have a tendency to burrow and ruin stuff, so I wasn't exactly pleased to see this little buddy** scampering across the yard towards the house.

I was already not in the best mood and seeing a stripey tail bounding through the grass (he had to bound, we've yet to mow the lawn) did not cheer me up. The "buddy" ran straight for the house and slid under the back porch. That whole side of the house has cement walkways butted up against the house, so a single chipmunk probably couldn't do to much but I knew he must be the little scout looking for lodging for an entire chipmunk army.

Lined up in tiny little ranks, they'd march across the lawn... well probably bound since, again, we haven't mowed the grass. Each little chipmunk division would be led by a head chipmunk carrying a tiny little flag. They would drag behind them a miniature Trojan horse. They would ask for entry into my house. I would deny it. They would present me with the little wooden horse. I would accept it (can you blame me though? A tiny wooden horse! Made by chipmunks!). I would bring it into my home and little chipmunk archers would dash out. They would savagely attack my knees and ankles. Even the cats would be no match for their toothpick arrows. We would be defeated and the conquering army would move on to invade and destroy.

So, obviously I chased the "buddy" as he scampered under the porch deck. This particular chipmunk was either a very well trained soldier or he did not speak English; he did not even look nervous as I threatened to "grab you and squash your head".

This standoff lasted for a few minutes. Me squinting under the decking and him staring me down with beady rodent eyeballs. I continued to yell obscenities at him and he continued to not look nervous. He was sitting only a few feet from me and I contemplated grabbing him. While this was a tough decision to come to, I ultimately did not grab said chipmunk as I know they are wild animals and carry things like rabies, salmonella, botulism, and rheumatic fever.*** So instead I resorted back to yelling and making what would probably be considered "jazz hands" at it.

The chipmunk was, regretfully, not threatened by me in the slightest and may or may not have taken up residence under the front porch.

I expect so see teams of chipmunks pulling a tiny wooden horse any day now.

Cheers,
Red

*It was quite possibly ten minutes.
**"buddy" is not really the word I would use, but we're trying to keep this sh*t family friendly.
***I never lie. This is ALL true. Sometimes they also carry umbrellas.