Duh nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh BAT(wo)MAN!

On Tuesday night, at 4:30am, or I suppose that would be Wednesday morning, I was awaken from a solid slumber by a chirping noise followed by a thumping. Obviously chirping/thumping noises are not exactly top of the "Common Nighttime Noises in My Bedroom" list so I was rather confused and completely terrified.

Like the crybaby I am, I woke up AV. We continued to listen to the chirping and thumping for a moment then both came to the sudden realization of "THAT'S A BAT". The chirping was the little guy's frightened crying and the thumping was Ned Kelly attempting to jump up, catch, and eat said little guy.

"Turn on the lights!" I requested and AV complied. The suddenly bright room was strangely quiet and bat free. I looked over the side of the bed to see Kelly staring back at my with pupils bigger than my head. He was in "Nighttime Hunter" mode and it was terrifying. AV came back to bed and pulled the covers up to his neck as I got out.

We had determined that the bat was in the curtains* and as Kelly snuffled around on the floor looking for it I tried to figure out how to flush a flying mammal out of the curtains without getting a bat in the face. As I stared at the curtains trying to locate the animal I noticed a small black triangle sticking off the top of the curtains (we have those kind of curtains that have a ruffle along the top, above the curtain rod). I stood on top of the bed for a better view and noticed the black triangle had a skinny toe attached to it.

Then it moved. Bat located.

I got down from the bed and turned  to AV. "What do I do??" I asked. He shrugged, "I donno", he responded as he snuggled deeper into the bed and pulled the blankets up to his neck.

I had been trying desperately to determine how to catch the bat ever since we had identified the initial noise. I knew there was a small butterfly net in the ceiling of the basement, but the image of myself dashing around the room  flailing a child's toy around after a terrified flying animal quickly made that particular course of action significantly less attractive.

"What do I do??" I asked AV again. Same response before. "I donno" and more snuggling. My hero....

I finally decided to capture the bat in a shoebox I'd been using as a garbage can. I dumped out the contents and slunk towards the curtains. I stopped when I realized I was much too short and wouldn't be able to scoop the bat into the box without being able to see it. "I'm not tall enough, I can't see it!" I called out to AV. "What do I do?" He just stared at me. I'm not sure why I bothered asking anymore.

I dashed into the office (its upstairs as well) and dumped out a plastic milk crate we were using for storage. I brought it back into the bedroom and climbed up.

As I listened to my heartbeat thundering in my head, I pulled down the edge of the curtain ruffle. I inched closer and closer to the little black triangle still sticking out of the top of the curtains. I finally folded the last bit of curtain down to reveal a little brown bat clinging desperately to the back side. I slid the box around him and pulled him off the curtains. A few little thumps were heard from the inside of the shoebox, but then it went quiet.

I turned back to AV, he was still snuggled in bed, ready to pull the covers over his head to deflect any wayward bats.

"Bat in a box!"** I croaked, my voice high and squeaky, full of terrified adrenaline.

I started to scamper downstairs with my bat-filled shoebox. It wasn't until I was halfway down the stairs that I realized: I'm in my underwear; I have to go outside now.

Cheers,
Red

PS. Stay tuned for AV's "Bat(wo)man Rebuttal". Apparently there's another side to this story...

*We heard the chirping noise coming from the curtains after we turned the lights on. As it turns out, locating the bat was actually just a lucky guess as the "chirping" in the curtain was really a sound coming from the air conditioning unit in the window.

**This is a reference to an SNL skit. NSFW: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XZLIQodHaFk